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April 19th, 2014

10:06 PM

Here's Popbitch!

Disclaimer: Popbitch is a newsletter of gossips, slanders, dirt, and filth that you can subscribe to at popbitch.com. I'm just passing along this week's edition for everyone's reading pleasure. Note that there are links to adult materal so use your discretion when clicking! Having said that, here's Popbitch:

QUIZ! On a Thursday Night. Very soon!
1st MAY - Popbitch Quiz is back:
At the Roundhouse, Camden from 7pm.
Get there early for 2-for-1 mojitos.
Only 5 quid each. Get your team together,
we can take big and small groups,
reserve your table and get quizzing!

"Can't wait for Belgium tomorrow!
Are we supposed to eat Muscles and
fries?" Sean from 5ive
POPBITCH           _     _ _       _
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_         _ 17.04.14 ISSUE 686
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* Twisting our Mellons
* Eurovision: Ukraine v Russia
* Charts: Kiesza is new number one

        >> Chinese whispers <<
        Geographical determinism

    Labour MP Gareth Thomas, has been
    getting a lot of media coverage
    for his campaign to get more East
    Asian characters in British TV
    soaps, and to stop them
    relying on outdated stereotypes.

    And for which constituency is
    he the MP?


Nigel Farage is ten months younger
than Johnny Depp.

        >> Union flak <<
        Beckham's lucky escape

    It was only September last year
    when London was overcome with the
    excitement of David Beckham's
    restaurant partnership with Gordon
    Ramsey opening. According to the
    gushing PR hype, The Union Cafe
    was booked up solid for months,
    as punters rushed to get a table.

    As we now know, David Beckham had
    nothing to do with it. And only six
    months into its life, the restaurant
    is looking a bit empty. Already
    they've resorted to tempting
    people through discount deals on
    online restaurant sites. Two courses
    for 19 quid, offered this week.

Benefits Street may be struggling to cast
a second series, but a TV exec tells us
there's a Christmas Special in the bag.

        >> Big Questions <<
        Who's asking what this week

    Which laddish TV/radio 'personality'
    was causing a stink in a Chinese
    restaurant by bellowing racist jokes
    and comments - and encouraging his
    child to join in with him? He doesn't
    seem to quite have a handle on the
    correct culinary references though
    as, bizarrely, he kept using the
    word 'poppadom'.

Nice to see Denise Van Outen's career
going from strength to strength. Her new
gig? Vlogger for theme park, Alton Towers.

       >> Losing their shirt <<
       Banking's bonus culture

    No-one predicted that Liverpool
    would be top of the premier league
    and favourites to win the title
    going into the last month. Not
    even their own sponsor, Standard
    Chartered, it seems.

    There's a story going around Anfield
    that, as part of the sponsorship
    deal, there's a really hefty bonus
    due to the club if they win the
    league. The bank was said to be
    happy to include the clause as,
    come on, last year's seventh
    placed team were hardly going
    to win out over the billionaires
    of Man City and Chelsea, were they?

Need a long read for the long weekend?

Issue Two of Popbitch Magazine is OUT NOW.
Featuring an in-depth look at celebrity
tax-dodging, the best Scandinavian pop,
the story of the man who did what Max
Clifford failed to do and all sorts of
weird and wonderful things...

Download the app from Newsstand here:

        >> Rich bitch <<
        Twisting our Mellons

    There are a lot of stupid, rich
    people about, but - unless the
    piece that ran about them in the
    New York Times this week was a
    parody - few are more boneheaded
    than Matthew Mellon and Nicole
    Hanley Mellon, owners of the new
    HanleyMellon clothing range.

    If you don't have any anger
    management issues, the whole
    piece is worth a read, but the
    most excruciating quote:

    "I've never been to Africa, but
    I feel like I have this deep
    affinity for it," Ms. Hanley
    Mellon said. "I've read every
    Hemingway, we collect Peter Beard,
    I've watched 'Out of Africa'."

See how long you can last:

Yay! Steven Seagal is back in the UK
this summer with his band, Thunderbox,
to tour their new album, Mojo Priest.

        >> Unimpressed <<
        Journalism protecting itself

    The Impress Project is yet another
    thing set up by the great and the
    good - Harold Evans, Polly Toynbee
    etc - to "protect the future of
    journalism" (a.k.a "keep those
    pesky tabloids in their place")

    They've had a crowdfunding drive
    online for weeks and, with a few
    hours left, only 14k of their 25k
    target has been met. With just 28
    donors so far.

    Of these 28, 12 are anonymous, and
    at least four of the named donors
    are board members or connected with
    the Impress Project.

In the bible, "shrimp" are referred to
as an "abomination" four times more
than "homosexuality".

        >> Circle jerk <<
        Hacking trial in action

    Rumours around legal circles suggest
    the sheer number of young lawyers
    tasked with going through every
    single line of evidence to help
    Rebekah Brooks' defence is pretty
    much unprecedented.

Coca-Cola has a rather sinister sounding
new strategy. They've discovered no-one
drinks soda at dinnertime, so their plan?
To "infiltrate the family meal".

        >> Euro-division <<
        Politics and pop

    Seeing as the big story in Europe
    at the moment is Russia and Ukraine,
    all eyes will be on those two in
    this year's Eurovision. But who will
    succeed when they go head-to-head in
    the first semi-final?

    When Mariya Yaremchuk debuted her
    song, Tick-Tock, we were struck by
    how incesty the lyrics were. (We
    belong to each other, like a sister
    to a brother etc) Sadly she's now
    modified them, but there's
    still plenty to enjoy. It's like
    good Maroon 5 (if you can imagine
    such a thing).

    Clearly courting the paedo vote,
    the Russian entry is former Junior
    Eurovision winners, the Tolmachevy
    Twins. The song, Shine, sounds like
    every serviceable Eurovision song
    that's ever been - but is it enough
    to win over the hearts and minds of
    Europe? We're not so sure. The
    clip of Russia's 2013 entry got
    booed very loudly at the London
    Eurovision party this year:

Listen here:

#Sing for your supper and win takeaway
vouchers from JUST EAT. What's your song?
Maybe something by Las Ketchup or Madoner:

        >> Hmms <<
        Spidey, Tom, Mayor

    This week's T-shirt to buy:

    Spiderman 2 - "Nobody seems to
    know how electricity works!"

    Think Middle of the Road were all
    Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep? A new girl
    band is covering their other song:

    The masked man who made people
    think Elvis was still alive gets a
    own movie, via crowdfunding:

    Old radio themes tunes, in case
    you wanted to remind yourself
    how Jimmy Savile sounded:

    Finland to release Tom
    of Finland stamps:

    The Mayor of Slaviansk lives
    in a house like this:

    Newspaper reading habits:

    "Foreign looking" = "suspicious"

        >> Stuff about Popbitch <<

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* Thanks to everyone who completed
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Thanks to: L, hyperboy, fo_shizzle,
monstris, mountstnobody, DJ, SG,
shagpile_perm, O, JK, G,

Old Jokes Home:
The grim reaper came for me last night,
but I managed to fight him off with a
vacuum cleaner.

Talk about dyson with death.

Still Bored:
Try urban cow tipping:

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