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May 2nd, 2014

9:37 AM

Here's Popbitch!

Disclaimer: Popbitch is a newsletter of gossips, slanders, dirt, and filth that you can subscribe to at popbitch.com. I'm just passing along this week's edition for everyone's reading pleasure. Note that there are links to adult materal so use your discretion when clicking! Having said that, here's Popbitch:

Tonight, we're drinking and quizzing at
Made Bar, the Roundhouse, Camden. Come
and join us - great drinks, great quiz
rounds, great table service.
From 7pm, email hello@popbitch.com or:

"You'd find out more truth by just
walking down the street with a musical
instrument than by looking at any of
the news outlets" - Johnny Borrell

"Look, I don't know anything about
what's going on in culture and I
really have very little interest
in it" - Johnny Borrell
POPBITCH           _     _ _       _
 _ __   ___  _ __ __ (_) _ ___ __
'_ \ / _ \ '_ \ '_ \ __/ __ '_ \
_) (_) _) _) (__
.__/ \___/ .__/ _.__/ _ \__\___ _ _
_         _ 01.05.14 ISSUE 688
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com
To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com

* Do-gooders play rough
* Tough days for X-Men
* Charts: Calvin Harris is no 1

       >> Moaner Lisa <<
       RIP Bob Hoskins

    Noel Gallagher and wife Meg Mathews'
    Supernova Heights house was the
    centre of the Britpop Primrose
    Hill party scene, but they
    weren't always popular with the
    neighbours. The police and
    Camden Council received frequent
    complaints about the noise. Some
    time later it was discovered they
    usually came from a neighbour just
    over the road... Bob Hoskins.

So why did Hoskins appear in BT's It's
Good To Talk ad campaign? "I've got
800,000 reasons, and they've all got
the Queen's head on them."

        >> Ex-Men? <<
        Tough days for Singer

    The new X-Men film, Days of Future
    Past, is having a hell of time. The
    allegations surrounding Bryan Singer
    are the least of his worries. Not
    only has he pulled out of doing
    all press to promote the film, he was
    still staging secret reshoots late
    last month with Michael Fassbender.

Now Paxman's been persauded to quit
Newsnight, perhaps the bosses's plan to
replace him with Eddie Mair is happening.

       >> The new Deal <<
       Talking loud and clear

    Kim Deal's replacement in the
    Pixies, Kim Shattuck, was sacked
    by the band last year, and no-one
    has ever really explained why.

    Musical differences? Heroin
    addiction? It was something
    much simpler. She would never
    shut up and it got on the tits
    of the rest of the band. So
    they kicked her out.

So much for Record Store Day. In 2013,
Blurred Lines sold more than twice as
many copies as all vinyl records in
UK last year.

        >> Big Questions <<
        Who's asking what this week

   Which ex-Eastenders star took so much
   cocaine on their Greek summer holiday
   last year that, according to the
   hotel barman, she shat herself and
   didn't really notice. Unfortunately
   for her she was in her bikini, by the
   pool, so everyone else did.

Poor old Grazia - will their relationship
predictions ever go right? This week they
report "Harry's relationship with Cressida
has continued to gather pace..."

        >> Eat your Greens <<
        Do-gooders play rough

    Greenpeace have a popular
    vegetarian chef at their London HQ.
    She serves lunch at 1230.
    So sought after are her meals
    that one department took direct
    action on another, the press office,
    by turning their clock back a few
    minutes so they would be late
    and end up behind the in
    the queue.

Planet of the Grapes Saturday Wine
school. June 14th, July 12th.
A bullshit-free introduction.
Five hours, 10 wines, enough cheese
and charcuterie to keep you going.
Call 020 7405 4912 or
email shop@planetofthegrapes.co.uk

       >> Swear it again <<
       Westlife sex life in court

    As part of Andy Coulson's cross-
    examination about the Milly Dowler
    story in the News of the World,
    the jury in the hacking trial had
    to go through that entire issue
    of the paper, from April 2002.

    And what exciting exclusives did
    they get to read? Ones like this:

    "Westlife Star Gets Touchy Feehily
    (But He Only Has A Little Weehily)"
    in which a kiss'n'tell girl, and
    the paper, gave Mark Feehily a
    roasting for his prowess in bed.

    In amongst the claims, the 18 year
    old Swedish stunner Mersina said
    that he wasn't very "adventurous",
    that he was more interested in
    sleeping than satisfying her and
    that he was a disappointing lover.

    Poor old Mark Feehily. He must
    have got so tired of such nonsense
    that, not long after, he publicly
    came out as gay.

Day Today Headline of the week, from the
Sunday Times: "Paedophiles To Be Treated
As Terrorists".

       >> Euro-revision <<
       Getting ready for next week

    With days to go until the first
    Eurovision semi-final, rehearsals
    are well under way. So what should
    you be most looking forward to?

    * Austria - Looking more like a
    Kardashian than Khloe, Conchita
    Wurst should be a huge star.

    * Hungary - Excellent American-
    Hungarian child abuse themed d'n'b:

    * Greece - How do you stage a bouncy
    summer holiday dance-rap? With an
    on-stage trampoline, of course.

    * Armenia - Great song; enormous
    dub breakdown; massive favourite
    - but can a man alone on stage
    carry it off?

    * Azerbaijan - Lovely jazz ballad.
    With a distracting trapeze artist.

    * Ukraine - Will test Europe's
    sympathy vote with the bizarre
    hamster wheel they're using.


FYI: Crimea will be voting as part of
Ukraine on Saturday, not Russia, as
their phone system is still Ukrainian.

FYI2: Eurovision - a "hotbed of sodomy
at the initiation of the European
liberals" - VOTE AUSTRIA!

Jimmy Somerville spotted in a Kemp Town
patisserie, buying two wheat-free
somethings and a couple of petits fours.

        >> Carr-ousel <<
        Jimmy packs his bags

mrzipski writes:
    "Spotted at Gatwick getting off a
    plane from The Maldives on Friday,
    Jimmy Carr and a lady. They collected
    three large suitcases each from the
    carousel. Which many observers felt
    was a tad excessive. Unless he was
    working out there and they were full
    of stage clothes or something.
    Either way, no-one in the arrivals
    hall saw his cock as far as I know."

S writes: "Re your story last week, I
feel I should defend Natalie Dormer. I
did a sponsored thing to raise money for
drama school and she gave me 100 quid."

        >> Peach Recognition <<
        It's time to #Download4Peaches

    We were suprised to find out
    that Peaches by the Stranglers
    hasn't seen any significant sales
    uplift in commemoration of the
    late Ms Geldof.

    Wonder if it will be the same
    for Golden Brown?

Rubberbandits are doing their excellent
new show Continental Fistfight in that
big purple cow on the Southbank, May 10th
at 7.45pm. Very special Popbitch price:
10GBP for 15GBP ticket. Code is YOKES.

        >> Hmms <<
        Culkin, cakes, KKK

    At Macaulay Culkin's house:

    Coats For Goats

    Tiny Hamsters Eating
    Tiny Burritos

    Nom Dem of the week - Don Popadick
    arrested for... flashing. He's been
    charged with "Mischief":

    What wine should you order
    with Guinea Pig?

    Tech bullshit called out:

    Q: Do bankers get bashed in the
    media? A: No:

    KKK man arrested for shagging
    black man, dressed as a woman:

    The website that proves the internet
    is a very bad thing:

    How everyone wants to look
    at their funeral:

        >> Stuff about Popbitch <<

* Email us stories, gossip, otter pics:

* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Mail by aysabtu

Thanks to: TM, deep_stoat, LT, Ulysses,
celtiagirl, monstris, mrzipski, DY, AM,
SL, __________________

Old Jokes Home:
Max Clifford gets sentenced tomorrow?
Must be a lot of people wondering what
to do with their other two wishes...

Still Bored:
Good article on Larry Page:
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