It is perhaps inevitable that hubby and I have to make arrangements for the day we leave this world. Speaking as a Chinese, I don't know whether to laugh or cry that dying is probably one of the most expensive things for a Chinese to do, the other being marriage of course.
When my mother passed away late last year, the funeral expenses racked up over RM50,000.00 for a simple three-day affair. The grave plot cost RM20,000.00. A coffin, a simple one, cost RM15,000.00. The cost of hiring the taoists and the band to come over and pray racked up another RM11,000.00. Catering, clothes, artifacts to be burned to the deceased, and other miscalleneous expenditure bloated the cost to a little over RM50,000. When we factor in the fact that an average Malaysian employee earns about RM800.00 to RM1,100.00 a month, that means he or she has better have enough money to expire or the kids may end up forever hate the deceased for bankrupting them as a farewell gift!
Maybe it's because I'm not too religious and I'm a cynical person, but I really don't understand why I have to pay so much just to die. Cremation is a little cheaper, but it cheeses me off severely that I have to pay a temple RM7,000 just to reserve a small spot on a plinth barely bigger than an eighth of my PC table so that the monks can conduct annual "prayers" over my ashes. Of course, me being dead, I have no way of ensuring that I will get my RM7,000 worth of prayers now, do I?
We Chinese rarely question these expensive customs because on the whole, while we may embrace progress and what-not, we are still very superstitious when it comes to death. I am cynical. After my mother's passing, the taoist in question had the cheek to tell me and my sisters that due to some astrological mumbo-jumbo, my mother's spirit is now apparently stuck in some bleak corners of the Taoist hell. Naturally, he knows how to pray for my mother's spirit to find her way back to who-knows-where, but OF COURSE we have to hand over to him a thick wad of cash. I would have kicked him out of the house but my sisters quickly agree to hire his services at once. What can I say? Even I know enough tact at that time to just sigh inside and hand over my share of the money.
I mean, what's the point of buying expensive RM30,000+ coffins when the dead won't be able to appreciate it? It's for show, of course. The relatives of the deceased want to show off how rich they are to afford such expensive coffins, just as how they prolong the funeral for days just to make their status clear to others. We Chinese are like that. The longer and more opulent the funeral, the more prestigious the family come off as to the neighbors. Then there is the practice of burning paper items and money to the deceased. How do we know that the items really go to the deceased anyway? And why does no one question why it costs so much just to buy these cheap paper items?
People in the funeral business often hold the Chinese hostage using the Chinese folks' own mercenary greed. We Chinese love money. We want money. We want money quickly and easily. And nothing makes the Chinese willing to spend like promises that they will get back more money as a result. So back to my mother's funeral. We are told that we could have a "lucky" hilltop cemetery plot for a whopping RM30,000. How "lucky" is that location? Well, apparently that spot is "lucky" in a feng-shui sense so we, the living ones, will reap plenty of luck thanks to us burying our deceased in that "lucky" spot. How nice. Is there any other race or nationality of people who will want to benefit from the death of a loved one to the point that they are willing to pay big bucks for that opportunity? 
I wish I was in the funeral business though. Undertakers, caterers, taoist experts, and cemetary plot employees form a tight network of monopoly that rule a territory with an iron grip. The moment you call up the undertaker, he will recommend the taoists, caterers, et cetera and most people will be happy to say yes to him. I know personally a taoist sage who bought each of his three sons a brand new BMW last year. Why shouldn't he? He earned upwards of RM10,000 per household he visits. He attends a household at least two times a week while his three sons handle the other households. In a week, he can rake in a profit that many of us can only dream of making in our lifetime!
Sometimes, it seems romantic that hubby and I would go at the same time. But it is also a very practical solution, economy-wise, because it's cheaper to have a funeral once instead of twice! There is another solution, of course: conversion to Islam on our death-beds. And I only say this with my tongue a little against my cheek. Muslim funerals last for only a day: the deceased is wrapped up in simple caftan cloth and buried by the day's end. The imam will hold prayers but while he will appreciate a donation to the mosque, payment isn't necessary. The grave-diggers work for nothing. Compared to the opulent and complicated ceremonies of a typical Chinese bereavement - ceremonies that sometimes seem created just to enrich the taoists - this way to go seems like a much better alternative!
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