You know, I keep hearing that places like Karen Scott's blog, Smart Bitches, Dear Author, and others are full of Mean Girls and Jealous Betty types. Occasionally "Mrs Giggles" cropped up too, but somehow I learn on Dear Author that I'm now a moderate instead of some raving-mad right-wing (or is it left-wing) loony that I was before I happened to say something nice about Cassie Edwards. Pleasantly surprised that I have so easily moved into everyone's good graces, I did a round-up of blogs to familiarize myself with their genteel ways so that I, too, can become a Refined Blogging Lady of Quality.
Here is what I learn on ways to be polite:
Always begin your sentences with "Um" or "Uh" or any other patronizing equivalents when you want to correct someone. Saying "You are wrong!" is, of course, a Mean Girl habit while a more polite "But I disagree" is not conducive in an environment of harmony and love so a gentle "Um" will work well as a mild assertion of your superior knowledge and seniority.
A smiley at the end of a critical sentence is a must. Letting people know that you are insulting them is a Mean Girl thing so it is always better to obfuscate the fact that the other person isn't fit to kiss your toes by adding a smiling or winking emoticon after that very sentence where you told the person that you would love to see that person boiled in oil while being dangled from the ceiling with her intestines. That way, no one can accuse you of being mean and cruel because the smiling thing is clearly evidence that you don't have a single mean and petty bone in your body. Unlike those Mean Girls.
Or, failing a smiley, polite and deceptively self-effacing follow-up sentences like "But don't hate me! It's just how I feel!" works as well. You have shifted the blame onto God/genetics/reflexes for making you feel that way so clearly, no one can accuse you of being a Mean Girl because you can't help it. You are really sorry that you have to tell that person that you hate her and you want her dead!
And, of course, always remember that a Mean Girl is a Mean Girl so when you deal with such a person with your swarm sisters, you do not have to be polite. In fact, you should sink lower than those people, it's okay, because remember, politeness is lost on a Mean Girl who won't appreciate common courtesy. So use your most patronizing tone, assume that the Mean Girl has devious motives revolving around you and your fellow swarm sisters even if the original topic has nothing to do with you (Mean Girls are obsessed 24/7 about getting back at you because they are always jealous of Refined Blogging Ladies of Quality), and use sock puppets to back up your swarm. Of course, don't forget to post a self-congratulatory "I struck a blow against Mean Girls in the name of Morals, Mankind, and The Internet today!" blog entry on your blog once you have discharged your moral duty.
Did I miss anything else? I think I'm doing good. I'll be a Refined Blogging Lady of Quality before the month is out.