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March 1st, 2008

8:16 PM

Let's talk about "polite" blogs

You know, I keep hearing that places like Karen Scott's blog, Smart Bitches, Dear Author, and others are full of Mean Girls and Jealous Betty types. Occasionally "Mrs Giggles" cropped up too, but somehow I learn on Dear Author that I'm now a moderate instead of some raving-mad right-wing (or is it left-wing) loony that I was before I happened to say something nice about Cassie Edwards. Pleasantly surprised that I have so easily moved into everyone's good graces, I did a round-up of  blogs to familiarize myself with their genteel ways so that I, too, can become a Refined Blogging Lady of Quality.

Here is what I learn on ways to be polite:

Always begin your sentences with "Um" or "Uh" or any other patronizing equivalents when you want to correct someone. Saying "You are wrong!" is, of course, a Mean Girl habit while a more polite "But I disagree" is not conducive in an environment of harmony and love so a gentle "Um" will work well as a mild assertion of your superior knowledge and seniority.

A smiley at the end of a critical sentence is a must. Letting people know that you are insulting them is a Mean Girl thing so it is always better to obfuscate the fact that the other person isn't fit to kiss your toes by adding a smiling or winking emoticon after that very sentence where you told the person that you would love to see that person boiled in oil while being dangled from the ceiling with her intestines. That way, no one can accuse you of being mean and cruel because the smiling thing is clearly evidence that you don't have a single mean and petty bone in your body. Unlike those Mean Girls.

Or, failing a smiley, polite and deceptively self-effacing follow-up sentences like "But don't hate me! It's just how I feel!" works as well. You have shifted the blame onto God/genetics/reflexes for making you feel that way so clearly, no one can accuse you of being a Mean Girl because you can't help it. You are really sorry that you have to tell that person that you hate her and you want her dead!

And, of course, always remember that a Mean Girl is a Mean Girl so when you deal with such a person with your swarm sisters, you do not have to be polite. In fact, you should sink lower than those people, it's okay, because remember, politeness is lost on a Mean Girl who won't appreciate common courtesy. So use your most patronizing tone, assume that the Mean Girl has devious motives revolving around you and your fellow swarm sisters even if the original topic has nothing to do with you (Mean Girls are obsessed 24/7 about getting back at you because they are always jealous of Refined Blogging Ladies of Quality), and use sock puppets to back up your swarm. Of course, don't forget to post a self-congratulatory "I struck a blow against Mean Girls in the name of Morals, Mankind, and The Internet today!" blog entry on your blog once you have discharged your moral duty.

Did I miss anything else? I think I'm doing good. I'll be a Refined Blogging Lady of Quality before the month is out.

Duty calls!

10 comment(s).

Posted by whey:

A Refined Blogging Lady of Quality AND an xkcd fan? I'm smitten.
March 2nd, 2008 @ 12:20 AM

Posted by moon:

You've perfectly described every single message board 've ever come across.
March 2nd, 2008 @ 1:03 AM

Posted by Kayleigh Jamison:

Hell, people can complain about Mean Bloggers all they want, but who gets the most hits? I don't read the docile blogs because they are boring. Everyone who complains about you still seems to read your blog (as they have things to complain about) and sit there for hours hitting refresh on the comments section to fire back with the hack psychoanalysis about why they win and you fail at life.

Now, I'm still too chickenshit to send you my books for review. But better I realize I'm a sensitive wuss than send them to you and launch a crusade when I don't like what you say.
March 2nd, 2008 @ 1:50 AM

Posted by jaq:

"I'll be a Refined Blogging Lady of Quality before the month is out."

Please don't.
March 2nd, 2008 @ 1:59 AM

Posted by MB (Leah):

You know, I’ve only been reading your blog, Karen’s, DA, and SB for a couple of months and I only occasionally go to other blogs. Seriously, I just don’t get the mean girl reference.

If mean girls means people calling others on their BS, when then, I guess that’s what it is. For me, all of you ladies bring up and are willing to discuss issues that it seems many would like to sweep under the carpet because it makes them feel uncomfortable, especially if they are the ones being called on the carpet. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I guess that’s why those being uncomfortable would consider that being mean.

For me, it’s just being real and saying like you see it. And frankly, I’ve never read any of you criticizing anyone without backing it up with some truth, which is why people can’t handle it sometimes. While I’ve read some heated discussions, by and far, most people don’t get really nasty, but express what they feel rather articulately on these blogs. Including you, Karen, DA and SB girls. So, I just don’t get what the hoopla is.

“Refined blogging lady of quality?” *snort* Where are these blogs?
March 2nd, 2008 @ 4:09 AM

Posted by Amarinda Jones:

"Refined Blogging Ladies of Quality" - Mrs G you crack me up
March 2nd, 2008 @ 4:50 AM

Posted by bettie:

Mrs. G, you crack me up. One thing I've noticed is that the "anti-mean girl" bloggers always break out personal attacks and insults. I'm not even going to say that they break these insults out first, because by and large, the so-called mean girls do not respond in kind, unless you count Karen calling someone an ass-hat and saying they suck "great big hairy donkey balls" as personal--which I don't. This is the internet, after all. And, quite frankly, accusations of ass-hattery are almost refreshing when compared to stale, pedantic reiterations of "Um...helloo? You are mistaken, but that's to be expected because you are in no way shape or form as brilliant as I. However, due to my self-sacrificing--dare I say Christlike--magnanimity, I shall burden myself with the task of enlightening you to your many, many flaws, both intellectual and personal, in the hopes that such lessons will help you better yourself as a person and become more like me. "
March 2nd, 2008 @ 6:34 AM

Posted by veinglory:

Bettie, or dear yes. Complaints tend to go:

'Dear Meangrrl, How dare you say something mean you ^&&$$## %###@@ who likes to torture people for sick (*&&^ and hates Jesus. : /
March 2nd, 2008 @ 6:54 AM

Posted by Teddypig:

Remember to always raise your pinky when you fart.
March 2nd, 2008 @ 4:50 PM

Posted by shiloh walker:

Always begin your sentences with "Um" or "Uh" or any other patronizing equivalents when you want to correct someone. Saying "You are wrong!" is, of course, a Mean Girl habit while a more polite "But I disagree" is not conducive in an environment of harmony and love so a gentle "Um" will work well as a mild assertion of your superior knowledge and seniority.

Well, hell. I frequently start out with uh or um. I didn't realize it made me a nice girl. I don't wanna be a nice girl. But being mean is bad for an author.
March 2nd, 2008 @ 9:46 PM