I have been bullying Lori Foster for the last ten years. You may remember how she keeps talking about me being mean, a bully, a vile person, and other stuff whenever she mentions me in every interview and blog stuff that she happens to mention me (ahem), and it's all true.
You see, I have evil psychic powers that extend beyond the boundaries of my website. Yes, even you are not safe. Did you see how gaunt and nervous Lori was at the RT party last year? It wasn't those half-naked Ellora's Cave Neanderthals having wild gay sex in the elevators that she happened to step into, it was me. You see, I use regularly my evil Voodoo spells to send these horrible dreams to poor Lori, where every night she would hear my cackling hag laugh echoing in her head as she sees me killing her puppies, eating her kittens, and beating her goldfish. When I am in a very evil mood, I'd send a dream where poor Lori was trapped in an elevator with Laurie Gold. For six hours!
The other day, I deliberately used my telekinetic powers (Misfits of Science, WOO-HOO!) all the way from my trashcan in Malaysia (or is it Singapore?) to trip her up while she was shopping for groceries. I laughed when she fell flat on her face. I also cause her to sign her autographs as "Julia Quinn", an evil act that gives me at least five hours of hilarity every time I do it. I force her to speak gibberish whenever she has a book reading session. I also make her call up random staff members of AAR every Sunday to weep like a nutcase into the phone until the person at the other end does a call tracking thingy and calls the cops on poor Lori. I think I will use my amazing powers of hypnosis to convince her and her family to move to an Amish commune soon just for kicks.
So, yes, people, fear me, for I am the biggest bully you have ever seen. The next time Lori tries to expose my evil antics, realize that she is speaking the truth. Because, bitches, you ain't seen nothing yet. I'm the InterWebz Marie Laveau, and don't you forget it.
PS: I demand a weekly sacrifice to my name. Virginal hot cabana boys, please. Failing that, Lori Foster's puppies. She has a few that she hides from me. My all-seeing eye doesn't lie...