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March 18th, 2009

2:07 PM

Zombies in romance novels

You know, I don't understand why some people are adamant that zombies can never be romantic figures in romance novels.

After all, we used to say the same thing about werewolves. All that transformation and flesh tearing, eeuw. And they are so hairy! (And ugly, if you look at all those werewolves in B-grade horror movies.) And wolves, like all doggy creatures, like licking at their own crotch! And they drool too. Let's not start with the stench. Since these wolves run around bare-footed and don't go for jabs at the vet, think of the size of the tapeworms living in their guts. And yet, and yet, look at the number of romances featuring werewolves today and the number of people who insist that they are actually wolves born in human forms when they attend furry conventions.

As for vampires, where do I even start? They drink blood, so one has to expect that they suffer from a case of halitosis. I mean, brushing one's teeth can be a chore with those fangs, and I can't imagine Listerine, with its alcoholic and acidic content, being kind of dead flesh. They sleep in coffins filled with dirt, eeuw. I bet one can find earthworms stuck in their pockets and maybe even other orifices in their dead bodies. And who knows what kind of parasites lurk in their mouth and other body cavities - we are, after all, talking about dead flesh. Plus, their skin is cold and clammy to the touch. Dead people, remember? But now we have silly kids running around wanting to be vampires.

I think zombies can make romantic heroes if we do the same thing that we did for werewolves and vampires: have them eat meat of animals rather than humans and have them nicely preserved from decay and rot thanks to their carnivorous diet.

Why do I write this? I'm feeling sorry for the ghouls and the zombies. In every urban fantasy romance, the vampires and the werewolves are depicted as cool while poor ghouls and zombies are portrayed as mindless monsters or one-dimensionally nasty brainless minions of some rogue vampire/demon. Even demons and devils, with their cloven hoofs and tails and barbed scourges, are considered more sexy than the poor zombie.

So how about it? We need to give those poor flesh-eating creatures a break. Give them some love and a happy home!

I draw the line at tentacled monsters, though. I blame this on the Japanese. They have scarred me too much to even consider the idea of a tentacle as ideal husband material.


3 comment(s).

Posted by Ana:

Hey, I agree!
I don't know about you but I totally drool over that fabulous zombie Ricardo from Mark Henry's books. :) Unfortunately he had to go and make his male zombies errr....dead from the waist down damn it! :-(

But you have a point.
March 18th, 2009 @ 9:23 PM

Posted by Angelia Sparrow:

There have been a few here and there. The first piece of zombie romance I encountered was in the Hot Blood series of books (I can't remember which volume). There was one where a zombie island was a sex tourist destintation. And then there was "Grub Girl" with sentient zombies.

Therein lies the rub, you see. The brain is the largest sex organ. Having sex with something that has no brain...

I don't see myself writing it anytime soon. Vampires and Weres are at least sentient. Zombies are pretty mindless. I think I'll keep using them as manual labor, which is what they were intended for.
March 19th, 2009 @ 11:38 AM

Posted by Conrad:

Thoughtful post Mrs. G; but you're forgetting that these writers give their vampires/werewolves super-human immune system that can not only push out a bullet from a fresh wound, but can also heal it in a second.
And who said zombies are mindless? Is there a defenite proof that they are mindless? I mean, does one really exist that we can take notes and say "See, they're mindless!" ? Its just the writers who decide, "Oh, I will make them the vilest of all viles! They shall have peeling, rotting flesh and shall have a taste for human flesh! Why? Eventhough humans are nothing more than proteins, fat etc, the same kind of nutrients that you can find in other animals...well, uh, I'll get back to you on that later!"
March 19th, 2009 @ 2:55 PM