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April 29th, 2009

1:52 PM

Listen up, people, I'm not a Mean Girl, alright?

Okay, I'm sucked in. I spent the whole morning reading the whole "Michelle Takes On The Mean Grrrls" saga and I even visited the blog in question. I have two thoughts:

  1. "Love As The Practice Of Freedom" will actually make a good title for a John Mayer song.
  2. That guy who has the RBTB heart thingy chopped onto his pants... does he know that he's being made the mascot of RBTB? I recognize that tattoo on his stomach - he's a Polynesian-American fellow whose name I can't catch, did a nude spread for a gay adult magazine a few years ago and starred in one of those movies too. And if you have to ask, he actually looks refreshingly normal, size-wise. Not too monstrously big, not too laughably small. Uh, why am I talking about this again?

What, you want me to express some outrage at that woman? No, I don't think she's talking about me. Why should she? After all:

  1. Everything I write is true and important, so clearly she can't be talking about me.
  2. I never ranted, screamed, or bounced. I'm more classy than that. And I have certainly never flashed anyone in my life.
  3. I have heat and light in my website, and they are separated. You get the heat in the naughty photo galleries and you see the light when you read my words. So, again, she's not talking about me. The heat and the light are always separated on my website, although there's no harm mixing them up once in a while, like how you know it is the absolute truth when I say that Anoop Desai is the hottest guy that was robbed in this season of American Idol.
  4. I'm a scholar and lover of erudition. I have all these grammar and spelling mistakes on my website to test you all in the name of tough love. And I can tell she loves me for that.
  5. I never instigate or inflame you guys. I mean, seriously now, I don't even have a single sexy photo of me on my website, so what is there for you guys to get inflamed and agitated over?
  6. I'm always civil. Have I ever called anyone to go jump off a roof and land on a fat elephant? Again, she can't be talking about me.
  7. I have always encouraged readers towards illumination. Witness: my constant urging for people to bask in my truth and wisdom. What's not to love about me?
  8. I have never encouraged vitriol on my blog. How can there be vitriol when everyone knows I am right and they all agree with me?
  9. I too have fan letters like her. In fact, I had three this morning. One was from a lonely man who swore he would jump off the roof if I didn't agree to marry him. The other was from someone from a place called "Death Row" who wanted me to send him some of my used underwear. The third is from Lori Foster reminding me that I have yet to RSVP to her invitation to have me over for dinner. Everyone loves me. See, no discord and hatred at all.
  10. I have met Strunk and White. They thought I looked so cute in that dress and they were both heartbroken when I tearfully rejected their marriage proposal after a hot threesome romp that inspired a thousand Ellora's Cave titles.
  11. I also have hundreds of illiterate women writing me and thanking me every day for showing them how they too can find the light. They also call me the expert as well as the Guru, the Mistress, the Madame, the Almighty, the Queen, and the Doyenne. I draw the line at being called Jesus, though, because that is quite embarrassing.

As you can see, clearly I am not one of those people targeted in that speech. Therefore, I have no beef with her. Anyone who knows her gay adult actor models and uses them to the advantage in her salacious manmeat-packed blog is alright with me!

8 comment(s).

Posted by Teddypig:

The other was from someone from a place called "Death Row" who wanted me to send him some of my used underwear.

Stealing Jade Black's husband is a new low.

I have heat and light in my website, and they are separated.

You got your heat in my light!

I also have hundreds of illiterate women writing me and thanking me every day for showing them how they too can find the light.

Telling them it is the switch above the garbage disposal in the kitchen does not count.
April 29th, 2009 @ 10:37 PM

Posted by Mrs G:

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Teddypig, you nearly killed me with laughter, you naughty boy, you.
April 29th, 2009 @ 10:39 PM

Posted by meh:

Have never taken any notice of rbtb. So she's at least raised her profile some.
April 29th, 2009 @ 11:08 PM

Posted by Tuscan Capo:

You got an invitation to dinner at Lori Foster's house??? Dam, all I got was some doll in the mail with a nail driven through it's head. But I do keep it sitting up on the living room mantle..if she drops by I'd hate her to think I can't be appreciative.
April 30th, 2009 @ 4:23 PM

Posted by Karen Scott:

The other was from someone from a place called "Death Row" who wanted me to send him some of my used underwear.

Stealing Jade Black's husband is a new low.


Now that made me laugh out loud.
May 1st, 2009 @ 4:07 AM

Posted by Louise van Hine:

I read that bloggy blog speech thing to and that blogger is way too important for any genre, I think she should go join the big guns and get "out" of the internet, as opposed to "off" the internet, that is. She is way too important for the intertubes. B(u)y the way!
May 1st, 2009 @ 8:38 AM

Posted by Tuscan Capo:

I apologize to Lori Foster is she's reading; what I said was stupid, thoughtless and downright ungentlemanly. Got caught up in the moment but that's no excuse. Again, I am truly sorry and I sure didn't mean it.
May 1st, 2009 @ 2:12 PM

Posted by Mrs G:

Oh, don't worry. I'll just tell her that I made you say that. I have evil magic voodoo powers, remember? ;)
May 1st, 2009 @ 2:15 PM