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May 23rd, 2009

11:45 PM

Let's all point and laugh: June Harlequin Mills & Boon releases

These are the upcoming June '09 Harlequin Mills & Boon Modern books. I have not altered a single word from the publicity material. Notice how many secret baby stories there are - it looks like dumb characters having unprotected sex is back in fashion. Don't any of the alpha Italian/Greek billionaires have heard of paternity suits and/or paying off the inconvenient pregnant wench?

The Billionaire's Bride of Convenience by Miranda Lee
Playboy Hugh Parkinson was prepared to marry his uptight PA, who was in desperate need. But Hugh also wants his convenient wife in his bed...

Valentino's Love Child by Lucy Monroe
Valentino's mistress is testing his resolve. The only woman capable of taming this Sicilian is now carrying his child...

Ruthless Awakening by Sara Craven
Believing Rhianna to be a dangerous gold-digger, ruthless billionaire Diaz Penvarnon imprisons her on his luxurious yacht where Rhianna's inexperience is no match for his merciless desire!

(Mrs G's note: why would a ruthless billionaire want to have sex with a gold-digger? Does he want her to sue him for paternity payments?)

The Italian Count's Defiant Bride by Catherine George
Count Francesco de Luca plans to collect the debt owing him - a wedding night! But his runaway bride is proving challenging... until he discovers Alicia's still a virgin...

(Mrs G: I wonder how he discovers for certain that she's a virgin when she's a "challenging" woman.)

The Multi-Millionaire's Virgin Mistress by Cathy Williams
Alessandro Caretti's glamorous world drove ordinary Megan away. Now Alessandro wants her back! This time he'll keep his mistress firmly between his silk sheets...

The Innocent's Dark Seduction by Jennie Lucas
Seduced by the ruthless Roark Navarre, Lia finds herself pregnant. But she must keep the baby a secret from her bitterest enemy...

(Mrs G: I wonder why the baby has to be kept a secret. Is this a Rosemary's Baby thing?)

Bedded For Pleasure, Purchased For Pregnancy by Carol Marinelli
Italian playboy Zaros D'Amilio seizes his chance to make Emma his convenient fiancee. But passion leads to pregnancy... suddenly, the stakes are higher!

(Mrs G: My deepest condolences to Carol Marinelli for being stuck with that particular title.)

The Diakos Baby Scandal by Natalie Rivers
A scandalous incident makes Kerry Martin vow never to reveal her child's heritage, but a Diakos heir will never go unclaimed...

Salzano's Captive Bride by Daphne Clair
Arrogant Venezuelan Marco Salzano thinks he's tracked down his pregnant one-night stand, but he's found her sister! Nevertheless, he vows to make her his bride!

(Mrs G: A Venezuelan? Is that the new Greek? And Marco is such a stud: he's gonna bang both sisters, cool!)

The Tuscan Tycoon's Pregnant Housekeeper by Christina Hollis
Alessandro Castiglione has found an unexpectedly charming plaything in mousy housekeeper Michelle. But when she falls pregnant, Michelle runs. Now the Tuscan tycoon has come to claim her...

(Mrs G: Is it just me or does Michelle seem completely braindead? Giving the billionaire the milk for free and then letting him get away for knocking her up? If I'm her mother, I'd have slapped her silly for being so stupid. My daughter would have made the billionaire pay and pay and pay...)

13 comment(s).

Posted by Ann Bruce:

So, what does it say about me since I'll be picking up at least a couple of those titles? :P

Ah, the bliss of cheap emotional manipulation...
May 24th, 2009 @ 12:52 AM

Posted by Mrs G:

I'll also be picking up a few, but my excuse is that I need something to read while sitting on the toilet and I'm sticking to it.

Seriously though, some of those stories would turn out to be actually far better than their hysterically dumb packaging would suggest, but the key is finding out which one.
May 24th, 2009 @ 12:55 AM

Posted by Tina:

Wow, those Italian men are busy these days.
May 24th, 2009 @ 1:05 AM

Posted by Tuscan Capo:

Yea, with all the hunting down of runaway pregnant women it's a wonder we have time to take out the garbage.
May 24th, 2009 @ 2:30 AM

Posted by Ann Bruce:

Tuscan Capo, if you have to take out your own garbage, then you cannot be a Harlequin Mills & Boon Modern hero. Billionaire heroes have people who have peons for that sort of thing.
May 24th, 2009 @ 6:08 AM

Posted by Jean Poole:

Wherein Salazano's preganant one-night-stand's sister turns out to be Hugo Chavez in drag - and the ONS's baby was actually conceived via baster method from the frozen deposits of the late Che Guevara.
May 24th, 2009 @ 11:46 AM

Posted by RfP:

"Seriously though, some of those stories would turn out to be actually far better than their hysterically dumb packaging would suggest, but the key is finding out which one."

Exactly. I used to be able to decode the covers to find the good ones, but the covers have got so ridiculous that I've given up.
May 24th, 2009 @ 2:25 PM

Posted by Treva Harte:

But when she falls pregnant, Michelle runs.
I love this sentence -- so you fall pregnant, just like falling ill? And don't you usually run first and then fall?
May 24th, 2009 @ 8:06 PM

Posted by Jody W.:

I bet the pregnant one night stand Salzano had was already preggo when he, er, stood with her. Otherwise the plot will need to involve a sister-death so Salzano and the (probably virginal--no longer!) sister can raise the child as their own, yet in grief, you know.

You know, with category romances, I pay zero attention to the titles, the covers, and sometimes even the blurbs. I've found it's best to rely on word of mouth and knowledge of that author's work!
May 24th, 2009 @ 10:49 PM

Posted by K. Z. Snow:

Why aren't any of those Lotharios ever Kenyan or Serbian or Tibetan or ... ?
May 25th, 2009 @ 8:09 AM

Posted by willaful:

Not having these blurbs at the back of Harlequin Presents any longer has killed at least half of the pleasure of reading them, for me. Sigh.
May 25th, 2009 @ 1:09 PM

Posted by Tuscan Capo:

K.Z. had a good question. And why do all these heroes have to be filthy rich? I'd buy QUICK a book with a title like:
"The Impoverished Tibetan Monk's Pregnant Worldly Mistress"
The intrigue of the title itself would sell the book!
May 25th, 2009 @ 1:38 PM

Posted by Ciar Cullen:

I hope you'll like my forthcoming book from Samhain (August): The Egyptian Demon's Reluctant Keeper. Seriously. I couldn't resist. Hard to put a paranormal twist on those titles.
May 27th, 2009 @ 4:58 AM