I know I haven't updated the Movie Autopsy Guild in months. I really want to but I cannot find the time. Hopefully I can do so one of these days, although with Survivor Palau, The Amazing Race 7, and American Idol 4 all taking place concurrently within the next few weeks, all I can do is hope.
I am watching movies though. I just don't have time to sit down and write the reviews, although I have plenty of notes regarding the movies I've watched and my thoughts about them jotted down in a notebook. In fact, hubby and I went to That Usual Place in Bukit Bintang earlier today and between the two of us, we spent close to RM200 in purchase of pirated DVDs.
Yes, pirated DVDs. Illegal DVDs.
Yes, we are breaking the law.
But things are not so simple here in Malaysia. I guess we can all go on and on about the evils of piracy but there are just as plenty of reasons for me to buy those pirated DVDs. I'm not saying that I am right in any way or I am even defending myself here, I just want to explain why I am doing so.
One, these DVDs are the only ways I get to watch these movies. Unlike in Singapore, where about five new movies are released in theatres every week, Malaysia is lucky to have two movies released per week. And even so, these movies are the more obvious Hollywood blockbusters of guts, violence, and animated CGIs. When it comes to smaller dramas, there is no way I can watch them unless I either download them off some P2P program or I buy the pirated DVDs that are released a week or two after the release date in the US. For example, the drama Cold Mountain from two years ago has yet to show up in Malaysia. I watched the movie on a pirated DVD because I have no other way of doing so.
Make no mistake, these DVDs are not cheap. Each actually costs more than the price of admittance to the theatre here and sometimes the pirated DVDs are nothing more than a bootleg version recorded on someone's camcorder that he either stole inside to the theatre (as evident by the way a hand keep covering the screen whenever someone tried to move past this person!) or passed to the friendly projectionist who must receive a cut of the profits. The exception to this, though, is at That Usual Place where at the time of writing these dealers are selling the DVDs at a charming price of RM10 for any 3 DVDs of my choice.
Another reason I prefer to watch these pirated DVDs though (apart from the fact that I dislike the environment of a movie theatre 
) is the way censorship works in Malaysia. From the time it was implemented nearly a decade ago to today, Malaysia's film classification guide baffles me still.
The movies are categorized into U (suitable for all audience), 18-SX (sexual elements present, 18+ only), 18-SG (violence present, 18+ only), and 18-SG (sexual elements and violence present, 18+ only). Fair enough, right? Here's the joke: all movies are censored of any elements deemed undesirable by a nameless group composed of retired religious teachers and government servants. Therefore, there is no sexual element or violence present in an 18-SG movie because the censors have removed everything sexual or violent! So what is point of making only people aged 18 and above watch some movie graded 18-SG only to have them realize that they still cannot see two people kiss on screen? On one hand, the censors are saying, "Hey, you are over 18 now and you're mature enough to watch a movie with sexual elements in it!" and then they turn around and cut away those sexual scenes anyway. Why are the government wasting taxpayers' money to categorize these films when they cut everything? Let everyone watch those movies then!
But even then, everyone may not be happy because the censors work in bizarre ways. Sometimes they ban a movie, like Underworld and Daredevil, saying that these movies contain "deviant, objectionable elements" while at the same time allowing movies like ConstantineEnd Of Days through. There is no consistency that I suspect the unlucky movies that are banned just happen to cross the path of a particularly disgruntled ex-postman who is angry that his wife has confiscated his daily liquor pocket money.
Censorship is sloppy. Say, when Samuel L Jackson yells on the screen, "I'm gonna kill you, motherf**ker!", it is very common to have the censors do the cutting so that the audience will hear Sam Jackson say instead, "I'm gonna kill (censored) motherf**ker!" It will be hilarious if it doesn't result in an incoherent movie that is a pain to watch. Even better, sometimes when they do censor at the correct spot and Sam Jackson now just wants to kill these censors' mothers, the subtitles will happily tell the audience that Sam Jackson is going to kill some motherf**kers. What can I say? The people manning the censorship board are a bunch of hilarious jokers.
Instead of taking a chance on paying for a movie only to get another Edward Scissorhands disaster on the screen, I'd rather watch the DVD which is produced from a master copy of the original version as shown in the USA or France.
On a more petty note, cost is also a factor. Let's face it, will you pay RM30 for an original DVD when you can buy three pirated DVDs of only slightly more inferior quality? Especially when these pirated DVDs come out just when you have seen the rave reviews of the movie on the US media and say, "Oh, I can't wait to watch that one!"? My hands move on their own accord when I see that pirated DVD of The Million Dollar Baby or Kinsey winking at me in their shiny cheap plastic cover at That Usual Place. Hubby's hands go straight for Constantine and Elektra. We don't have time to consider that poor Keanu Reeves will be losing a few dollars for lunch. If Nicole Kidman will have to forgo that sandwich for lunch because we don't send our dollars her way, well, tough. She'll probably be happy to lose some extra pounds anyway. We see, we want, we take.
Do I support the government's national campaign to drive piracy to the ground? Well, I'm supposed to, I guess, but until the movie scene in Malaysia improves, I'd rather not as that would be like hacking off a few feet of my colon just to fit into a dress three sizes smaller than usual. Maybe you can argue (rightfully) that I don't have the right to watch these movies on pirated DVDs if I'm not supposed to have them in the first place (the "you don't deserve a Mercedes if you can't afford it" argument). But if I am going to hell because I gave money to pirates of the South China Sea, I think I'd rather say that I watched a few good movies to get there. 
It does soothe my conscience though that the national campaign is all lip service anyway, like every other campaign by the financially-driven (if you get my drift) government and law-enforcement agencies. How else do I explain that That Usual Place doesn't even get raided by police even once when it is located within driving distance from the Prime Minister's office? I know, maybe the esteemed PM himself sends his PA to get him some, who knows, eh? If you happen to visit Kuantan, Pahang, where I lived for two months before coming to my senses, good luck in trying to find an original CD. I spent two days trying to locate an original copy of Maroon 5's Songs About Jane and before I managed to find one because every store is selling pirated CDs and DVDs. But while I was happily perusing pirated copies of movies at one of the dozens of stores openly selling them, the Inspector General was on the front page of the papers telling me that Malaysia had succeeded in driving these pirates out of business. That man must be related to Saddam's Information Minister, I suspect.
At the end of the day, we can argue about morality, legality, and civic obligation until the cows come home but the fact remains. I buy those pirated DVDs because they are there on sale and I am a weak person to succumb to my craving to see that Mark Ruffalo movie that I know will never, ever reach Malaysia in the first place. I'm not proud of what I do but I can't do the right thing if the right thing here means that I must deprive myself while everyone around me happily help himself or herself to those DVDs. I'm never cut out to be a martyr anyway! 
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