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January 24th, 2006

10:20 PM

Things I Find Unrealistic In A Romance Hero

  • I find it hard to believe that a macho romance hero will trash around in bed with unfulfilled desire for the heroine instead of taking at least a cold shower. Most guys would have taken matters in hand, so to speak.
  • Not realistic: heroes who don't know the name of a single porn actress.
  • Even more unrealistic: bachelor heroes who don't have some adult material somewhere around the house or in the PC.
  • Totally unrealistic: heroes who drop names of old black-and-white movies and names of those glamorous actresses in the movies at the drop of a hat, not when there's no evidence as to how he gets to know these movies. Even more suspect when this hero happens to some hardened action hero, unless we are to consider the don't-ask-don't-tell policy thingie here.
  • Not realistic: heroes who can't get an erection when faced with a naked mistress just because he's now sleeping with the heroine. Not at all realistic: this erectile dysfunction is supposed to be the sign of his true love for the heroine. How morbid.
  • Heroes who don't experience, um, premature take-off when he first gets to shag the heroine, especially when I'm supposed to believe that he will just die if he doesn't have her, et cetera. (The first time only, though. If he keeps flying off prematurely during the fifth and sixth time, the heroine has best call off the wedding and call a medical specialist if she knows what is best for her and him.)
  • Heroes who find slutty women tedious and unexciting.
  • Heroes who find the idea of marrying a wealthy daughter of a Duke distasteful when these heroes are bankrupt and are supposedly cold and jaded.
  • Action heroes who claim only to kill people in self-defense.
  • Cop heroes whose gun magically goes missing when they start taking off their clothes to snog the heroine in an unplanned shagfest.
  • Inspectors who don't have rich parents but can afford expensive cars or expensive dates with the heroines.
  • Secret agents who are also the Most Eligible Bachelor thing in papers all over the country. Believe it or not, I've read books with these kinds of hero.
  • Secret agents who are always on the move when they are single, but magically get to always be with their wives (or keep in close contact via the phone) once they're married. Even better, sometimes the bosses of these married agents are shown to give the married agents plenty of time off to snog the wife or go off on romantic honeymoons. These bosses seem to be better than most of the bosses I know!
3 comment(s).

Posted by Gabrielle:

Bless you for this list. My personal unfavorite is the last one. I also have extreme distaste for series where you see the couple from Book 1 now blissfully happy and unable to stop meddling in the love lives of others, and they all sit around the kitchen table at the end of the series, 4 deliriously happy couples with benevolent bosses who shower them with keys to mountainside retreats.
January 26th, 2006 @ 5:50 PM

Posted by Daria:

Precisely :P
January 25th, 2006 @ 6:55 AM