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March 8th, 2009

8:00 PM

Overheard: Stupid Christian Fraus Praying For Adam Lambert's Soul

Source: the fabulous Top Idol

Adam Lambert

I'm surprisingly rather excited to see what Adam Lambert does next week, given that he promises to glam things up. I want to see a cross between David Bowie, Freddy Mercury, and Priscilla, Queen of the Desert in a Velvet Goldmine festival. What, is that too much to ask? See the photo above. Adam is F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S.

Wait, but the fat stupid hausfraus that watch this show disagree. Not only have they set up prayer boards and threads in forums to pray for Adam's sin, they are also praying to Jesus to forgive Adam's daddy for... I don't know, not disowning his from all appearances an open, secure, and happy gay son.

Yes, not all Christians are like this, but alas, this is the cross we American Idol fans have to bear: we share the fandom with way too many mad, fat, and stupid people.

Sample prayers:

LORD, I pray for Adam. I pray Jesus, that You will reach out Your hand & touch him with Your grace. I ask that You will speak to his heart, call him by name, and let him know You Love him. That You accept him, and may he be able to turn, face his LORD & Surrender. Continue to rearrange the places in his heart where You are moving & preparing to move. Soften the hard places & mold the places that are already tender & soft toward You. There is so much darkness that has surrounded & hunted Adam’s heart & Mind LORD. I pray now for the Morning to Dawn on his life. Take him out of an “abstract Spirituality” into an absolute True relationship & Eternal reality with You, Jesus. I cry out with tears in my eyes for Adam to surrender his heart, his life & his will to You & Your plans for him. You are going to do Awesome, Awesome things in him! I ask that Danny, Scott & Kris & other people You have placed in his path will speak to him about Jesus. Without words & if necessary with them as well. Protect Adam today & already be meeting him where he is at. Draw him near to Your very heart LORD. In Yur Name Jesus, I ask, pray & Believe in. ~Amen

"Soften the hard places" - is that a unique way to ask Jesus to render Adam impotent so that he cannot have jolly sodomy sessions with his boyfriend? That's so mean! And news flash: Danny's church is too busy organizing performances featuring people with blackened faces, horrendous ghetto accents, and teenage girls dressing up like weirdos. See here (not for the faint of heart). From that link, we have this photo:

Yes, that is what those pastors in Danny's church wear when they are feeling happy. Seriously! Methinks Danny will talk to Adam only to have Adam show the good pastors of the Faith Builders the fine art of wearing make-up, because those "women" are hideous. Hmm, do you think Danny wears his dead wife's bras and panties under his clothes every time he goes on stage?

LORD, I can not judge Adam or his heart & life. I can not point to him & say “See, here is where you’ve got it all wrong.” Only You can speak to his heart & teach Him. I have no idea if Adam is Your child. But I do know that satan has lied enough to him, to cause him to stumble. I see that he has darkened Adam’s mind & whispered many lies to his heart. I ask for rescue & salvation for Adam LORD. I ask that You will set him on the path that leads to You. I pray that Danny & Scott can befriend him, and speak to him about Your great Grace, Love & Plan for Adam’s life. Without words or with them, speak over Adam’s heart. Bring him to Jesus. I ask for him to know of You & Your great Love for him. Show him that he can know who he is, and have direction. Save Adam Jesus. Bring light into his darkeness. Protect him from the lies that surround him, and may he know what is Truth. In Your Name Jesus, I ask, pray & believe in. ~Amen

Is it just me or do we have way too many religious zealots on this show? And how funny is it that these stupid fraus automatically assume that Adam will relate best to the bland white guys (or in Danny's case, fat disgusting ugly offal-face piece of dung) instead of, say, Jorge or, lawd have mercy, the women in this show.

God may be cool, but sometimes, it isn't cool when very stupid people worship Him.

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